today is the last day of the year 2008.

today i've experienced my 1st blackout or power trip at my office.

i was there at 6.20am and reading through my emails and suddenly at around 6.30am, i see darkness.

i was like eh? what happen?

imagine there isn't any sunlight shining through the window panes as it's still early morning.

i was walking around in darkness trying to find a torchlight and the power switchboard.

worst, the security tap of the office door went bonkers.

it can't be opened.

i can't get out of the office.

as there isn't any light, i had to use my handphone to shine here and there.

the office administrator arrived shortly and assisted me to find the torchlight by phone while she was standing outside the office.

because the only torchlight in the whole entire office is in accounts room, right at the end of the room cabinet and don't know which shelf.

nonetheless, i managed to locate it after a while of touching here and there in the dark.

soon, the staff arrived at 6.50am as they start work at 7am.

there i was sitting in the office door (inside), while they looking at me by the office door (outside).

i can't go out, they can't come in!

thinking back now...

fortunately, i arrived early before the power trip and have access to the store keys.

picture me passing the keys individually through the door gap to my fellow colleague to open the store below to have the staff start work.

we were communicating through the door gap, speaking through it; placing our ears by it.

that's an amusing moment.

at 8am, i called the security system company and have the technician to run through the steps to disarm the alarm to open the door.

there i was holding the torchlight and the screwdriver with the handphone by my right ear trying to figure out which screw to remove, which wire to pull out, the fuse and connector so on and so fore.

i'm not an electrician and in those few minutes, i'm exposed to the many parts of electrical components.

finally, at around 8.40am after close to 2 hours of the ordeal; the door is opened!

i was like 'thank God!'.

it's kinda dramatic if you can imagine.

i'm like shaking my head each time this was brought up today.

oh well!

never thought i will be experiencing it this early!
my career life has come to a point where i can picture myself standing in the middle of the junction.

which direction/path to take?
where do i go from here?
is this what i want?
am i escaping from the current situation?
am i afraid to overcome the setbacks?
am i able to learn anymore from my superiors?
is there anymore things for me to learn in this company?
are there anymore challenges for me to take on?
these are the few questions that keep popping into my head these recent months.

from where i am now in this position...
frankly speaking; -
1. i see many things.
2. i hear many things.
3. i speak many things.
4. i do many things.
5. i experience many things.
6. i feel many things.
7. i think many things.
certain things works in a vicious cycle.
it goes back to me eventually.

i think i'm tired of it.
actually,
some things can be avoided,
some can be rectified,
some can be solved,
some can be controlled.

if no one wants to get up from their comfort zone to do something about it, then i can say; what's the point of staying on and slog my life.
am i the only one to have that 'sense'?

i've been feeling negatively lately.
a couple of days ago, i asked my dear friend; 'what's positive about working in this company now?'
hhhhmmm....!!!! (moment of silence)
how about:
- i'm still holding on a job.
- my two departments of dedicated and hardworking staff.
well, i think that's it.

it used to be so much more but at this moment...
things changed,
situation changed,
directions changed,
people changed...
i've changed.

somewhere out there, somehow there's a place that's suits me.
now thinking about it, these 5 over years climbing up the corporate ladder is a challenge for me.
i had achieved what i wanted.
now i feel perhaps it's time for me to move on.

it's always easier to think better after sorting out my thoughts and feelings.