museum date
Sunday, May 31, 2009
joey, this entry is for you!
today is museum day or rather museum date for me & joey.
all day free admission to all museums in singapore.
we met at 11.30am at her office building.
i was early and went exploring the nearby area.
and happened to chance upon fuk tak chi museum.
i thought she will ask where is that?
but she managed to find me effortlessly.
we had lunch near boat quay and soon led to conversations.
better start our date or we'll forgot what we want to do for the day.
we went asian civilisation museum first.
wow! went our mouths as we saw long queue.
singaporeans!!! kiasu!!!
fortunately, it's the queue for free ice-cream.
we went exploring other galleries which i didn't managed to see when i was there earlier the month for kangxi exhibition.
interesting!
i didn't realised there were more galleries on the 3rd and 1st floor as there are different stairways to these galleries in the building.
it's rather fruitful.
they should put up more directional signs.
next up was peranakan museum.
very crowded.
maybe it's free admission.
i went there before in march so the exhibits are still quite fresh in my mind.
the next nearest museum is the singapore philiatelic museum.
we were amazed by the seal which was sold at the shop as well as the stamps of michaelango's works.
other than that which is most memorable is the crowd.
then again, in singapore when things are free - it's crowded.
next destination which was entirely not in the itinerary is fort canning hill.
joey was my tour guide.
she went fort canning since she was 14 years old.i was like a tourist wowing to whatever she told me, whichever direction she pointed to show me, and to wherever she brought me.
and there is actually a secret hidden stairway up behind the gate.
hhhmmm...
and i was recommended to go battlebox one day...
we walked down abit and across the road is the national art museum.
there was not much of any interesting galleries so we kinda walked around and out we go.
most eye catching is probably the pink tanks in the main lobby of the main entrance.
we walked further down opposite to the singapore art museum.
much better as there are more galleries but not that exciting.
we had quite a few discussions on the artworks displayed and some are definitely a question mark why it's exhibited.
verdict: the asian civilisation museum is the most worthy for art knowledge and money (if it's not free admission).
dinnertime
we went raffles city for dinner - a cha chan tang at basement.
joey's energy battery ran low so we ate, relax and chat.
i said before that with joey, any topics or subjects is interesting and engaging.
i always enjoy the interaction of exchanging views, opinions, thoughts, feelings and discussions with her.
she shared with me her recent life as a singleton and happenings around her friends' love life.
1. some guy/s interested in her is/are married but claimed single.
2. someone whom was interested in her was rejected by her on a recent date.
3. one who is newly married is in courtship with her friend who happens to be attached.
4. her rock climbing instructor who is married with a son has a girlfriend outside who is attractive and successful in her career.
5. a couple who are happily living together for very long time, not because of a piece of paper but because they want to be with each other.
i shared with her my views.
people go with a cycle.
boy meets girl /girl meets boy -> courtship -> marriage -> have children -> happily ever after.
this is what people is doing or generally believe they should be doing.
but who can guarantee all the process ends with a fairy tale?
people do things according to the age they are at and which stage they should be.
in their 20s, they want to find a perfect partner in search of true love.
before 30s, they want to be marry in a glamourous wedding and share their happiness at some 5-6 star hotels over some sharks fin dinner.between 30s to 40s, quickly have children before the biological clock stops ticking.40s to 50s, to work hard and save enough to ensure their children have good education.
60s onwards, hoping they will be appreciated and looked after when their children grows up.
and better still, relax at home to look after grandchildren.then when the time comes, dust to dust; ashes to ashes with a load of children and grandchildren or great grandchildren seeing them off to the next world.and the cycle of life starts going round and round, over and over again.
marriage is a risk to 50% till death do us part or 50% separation/divorce.
marriage is bonded by a piece of paper (contract of marriage).
marriage is being responsible to someone, after falling in love with and will regret if you can't live without that person.
life is about making choices and live with it after that.
a happy family doesn't mean or makes up from husband, wife and children.
a happy family to me can be my parents, my sis and myself.
will the person who sleeps next to you every night be 100% faithful?
will the person whom you are in courtship with truly love you 100%?
this is a temptation city.
not everyone will ever be satisfied with just one and only?
people change of heart because of what they want to have, what they can't have and what they envy.
when 2 people are together, it is for that moment of attraction.
when it diminished, you can no longer keep the person's heart.
otherwise, they are just being together for the sake of responsibilities towards each other.
companionship and enjoying each other's company is most important.
wanting to be together is because of each other.
accepting each other for who they are, what they are and how they are.
this is happiness.
sometimes, such simple happiness can easily attained and be contended.
afterall, life is short.
fantastic performance
Saturday, May 30, 2009
i've just attended aaron kwok's concert.
fantastic!
he's a very good performer.
dear friends, please view my sis's blog for more details.
http://myfrozenreminiscence.blogspot.com/rather self-absorbed artiste but he does his show professionally.
people who cross/ed paths with me in my life
i just settled down from work.
it's 3am plus, after a friday night of closing shift.
some thoughts and feelings from working tonight prompted me to write about it.
maybe i've been seeing too much of the day crowd of people at my work area that i suddenly feel congested and almost suffocated by the night group of people.
it's a relieved moment of solitudity when i finally sat down in my office table eating my dinner.
i was looking, seeing and observing the people through the night.
makes me think of certain things.
one of it was the people who crossed paths with me in my life.
there are people who make me:
1. happy
2. smile
3. love
4. touch
5. enlighten
6. inspired
7. grateful
8. thankful
9. appreciated
10. remembered
11. sincere
12. faithful
13. sad
14. cry
15. hurt
16. angry
17. upset
18. despair
19. frustrated
20. impatient
21. frown
22. devastated
23. regret
24. pain
25. humiliated
i'm a simple person with feelings.
i'm a human being afterall.
besides my family who makes me who i am today, the people around me or who once appeared in my life makes me who i am today too.
these people influence my thoughts, feelings, views, opinions, builds my character, personality, behaviour... etc.
i'm thankful to those who has helped me in times of need.
i'm grateful to those who was/were with me when i need help.
i'm in debt to those who has led me out of the maze when i'm lost.
i appreciate those who encourage, support and comfort me when i'm sad and hurt.
i seeked to those who willingly wait and gives me space when i feel emotionally overwhelmed.
they make me feel i am alive.
there are also a few who made me fall.
of course, i was very depressed, sad, hurt and pain.
sometimes, it affects me so badly that i cry.
off the record, the longest period i've ever cried is a month or so... especially at night or when i'm alone.
i'm still human.
these people may not know or realised what their decisions, words, thoughts, feelings and actions can do to me.
probably, they are concern about what they want for themselves that they have fail to consider my feelings and understand my thoughts.
i reckon people only choose what they want to listen, see, speak and think.
i always believe when i'm nice to people, they will be nice to me too.
but it's very rare that at certain situations, the part of being considerate is being brought to place before a result is going to happen.
well, i fall and fallen.... i have learn to pick myself up.
life is never smooth sailing.
there are ups and downs.
in the process there are regrets but if it's meant to be like this, i have to learn to accept and live with those regrets.
life is hard.
i don't know how these people are now.
maybe or maybe not they are having the best of their lives.
as for me, i'm still surviving in this world.
living my life as who i am, how i am, what i am.
whether anyone accepts me or not, i'm still living in this part of the world.
i can't be denial by other people and won't be ashamed of my presence.
i guess it just takes some effort, understanding and courage to acknowledge me.
distraction
Monday, May 25, 2009
last saturday, i went to the science centre to see leonardo da vinci's science and arts exhibition.
the last time i went to his exhibition was when i was 18-19 years old.
i remembered it was at the singapore art museum.
his exhibition gave me an inspiration for my final year project at nafa.
however, i did on another great renaissance genius which is michaelango.
though he was not as fantastic nor famous as da vinci but he has his talents too.
sistine chapel and the statue 'david' were a couple of his famous artworks.
you can view from my sis's blog on her entry for trip to the science centre.
one day, i would like to travel to see all the famous artworks up close and personal.
**due to time constraint, i can't watch imax movie on van gogh... wasted...
and for last sunday, i began my day to the cut-hair auntie to trim those irritating hair touching my ears.
i can be rather particular about certain things.
then, i did a bit of vacuuming at home and shower before heading to bukit merah library.
the library used to be one of my favourite places.
for a year or so, i didn't frequent that much.
now, i'm back again.
reading books on csi, true crime, history, children's books, ... to occupy my mind.
imagine me hovering around the shelves at children's section, 'competing' with them over 'who-gets-the-books-first'.
for joey's pleasure of knowing, the latest books i've borrowed to read are geronimo stilton, tintin and ... gossip girls.
the latter was out of curiosity as the series are so popular in the bookstore plus my staff (mainly girls) are watching the dvd of it.
i wandered around the library, looking for subjects that can intrigued me to read.
i'm not in a very good mood recently so i'm looking for something light which can ease my mind.
today, my staff girls told me the book and dvd series are different and so, i should watch instead.
i was like ...
thanks
Saturday, May 23, 2009
i'm very grateful and thankful that in my lifetime, i have very good, very caring, very supportive, very sweet and very dear friends.
after over 3 decades of my life in this world, i don't have many friends left.
perhaps it's also my character and personality, i don't socialise alot.
my primary, secondary, nafa and uni friends/classmates have their own lives and during these years, all have dispersed, grew apart and lost/never contact anymore.
of all the people i meet, if we hit off well and can converse we will grow close to be better friends and build our friendship from there.
the previous 3 entries were dedicated to them.
though 1 of them is at the other side of the world, she still encouraged me with her emails.
of course, she hope she can be here too.
though the cause of my emotional downfall i didn't speak much of it.
people already made their choices and moved on their lives.
i am thus... forgotten.
with this fall, i have to learn to pick myself up and be strong.
i'm not a robot that can be fixed or rectify simply overnight.
i'm also not someone who can psycho myself with change of feelings and thoughts.
because i've given my heart and best to it, it can't be recovered easily.
i am not that kind of person.
i'm too much of a nice person that i take or accept what was being decided to me.
or how i'm being treated by other people despite after all i've done and how i treat people.
life is unfair.
am i really that small and insignificant?
i don't know why i will ended up like this.
i've been feeling sad and pain till now.
thanks to my friends for their encouragment.
i really appreciate it very much.
i know all of you are here for me today because each of you appreciate me too.
ginn
Friday, May 22, 2009
met up with ginn this evening.
she took leave and went shopping.
by the time i saw her, she was tired from her long day.
we trained down to tampines as she hasn't been to tampines 1 yet.
we walked around and went to eat dinner.
we talked about work, family, her recent taipei trip and not forgetting our dear friend in san francisco.
we have been friends for 15 years so eventhough occasionally sitting down in silent with our own thoughts is also a comfort.
it's the company and presence of each other we enjoy and comfortable with.
she initiated this meet-up to give me a hug.
for support and strength.
this is very nice of her.
she messaged me these after i'm home:
keep your smile like today although i know it can be wider when you are ready.
i will wait patiently for your wider smile.
no hurry.
everyday smile a bit and soon it will be brighter.
joey aka 3eyealien
Thursday, May 21, 2009
this evening, joey and i had a dinner date.
she just came back from her perth trip.
my sweetest dear friend willingly be by my side since she knew i was not feeling emotionally well when she came back over last weekend.
we arranged to meet at redhill mrt station as she's bringing me to eat claypot rice at redhill market.
i saw her big smile on her face when she saw me within the going home crowd at the station control.
then i was given a huge hug, enveloped in her arms and a big fat kiss on my right cheek, leaving her lipstick mark which she then tried to wipe away as we crossed the road.
she asked if i knew what the kiss is for?
i know... it's for a 3 eye alien luggage tag i've snailed mail her last month for her trip.
she also asked if i had enough sleep as i looked shagged and that i've shrunk again.
this is my 2nd time eating claypot chicken rice.
i wanted to do the honours to stir it but when she heard it's my 2nd time eating.
she told me to sit down and let her do the work.
all i have to do is to wait for being served and eat.
we talked about many things.
as usual, with joey any topic of any subject can be interesting.
she told me to open up the gifts she've got for me from her trip.
She likes to make me do this coz she can see from my face expression when i see the gifts.
she is someone who wherever she travels, she never fails to get something for me when she comes back.
well, she is also someone whom wherever i travel, she will be in my mind and that i will also get something for her when i'm back.
we just sit at the market and chat till the food stores closes.
she then walked me to the bus stop and sees me up the bus.
i told her to go as she stays much further than me.
she just hushes me up...
nonetheless, that's very sweet of her.
she gave me these words:
hope i've been enough.
take care of yourself.
and remember bad things happen for a good reason.
it's just that i may not see it now.
jess
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
jess, my dearest old friend of 10 years; arranged a date with me this evening to cheer me up.
we had dinner and watch a movie.
probably she wanted to take my mind of somethings.
the last movie/s we watched together was 10 years ago in Sydney while we were doing our degree course.
i still remember it's 'girl interrupted' and 'dogma'.
eversince she knew i was feeling down and upset, she has been sending me verses and praying for me to be strong again.
seeing the same blur blur her standing in front of me tonight simply warms my heart.
i haven't meet any of my friends for a long long time.
i last saw her was her wedding day last december.
she said i've lost weight.
i told her it's the t-shirt big that's why.
she shakes her head and insisted on her views.
oh well...
we did some catching up and she shared with me a story of her own.
it goes like this:
i once felt sad and unwanted.
i regret not letting anyone knew.
my family felt i was down but i didn't let them or any of my friends know.
i just took it upon myself, i thought i could forget and heal over time.
so one day, i went to church, to the altar to receive prayer from the pastor.
i didn't tell him i was sad.
when the pastor prayed for me, he saw a vision.
he saw a rose on a piece of land full of messy wild grass and there was this rose that stood firm and still.
most of all, it's pleasing to God's eyes.
no matter how unwanted, the rose is beautiful and pure in God's eyes.
she said to me, i am like the rose, beautiful in God's eyes no matter what happened or what people think of me.
he has better plans for us, so i should always hold on to my faith.
'i am the strong rose in God's eyes - beautiful, pure and strong.'
at the end of the night jess gave me a gift, attached a card with written words reminding me to be strong.
the gift is a crystal puzzle... which put all 44 pieces together makes up a rose.
friends
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
last few days, 4 of my dearest friends read my blog.
they came to know that i was feeling down right to the bottom these days.
they never probe for the root of it but constantly gave me strength, support and comfort.
their words of comfort and support warmed my heart.
the last couple of entries were dedicated to them.
those are their words to me.
of course, it's very rare, hardly or never at all that my friends see me like this.
during our years of friendship - 15 years (2pax), 10 years and 8 years respectively, i'm always optimistic, happy and sunshine.
plus my megawatt smile.
one of them told me:
'your wise mentality will pull you through.'
one of them at the other side of the world suggested this:
'try writing all your feelings in a piece of paper, talk to yourself in the writing and let it all out, maybe you want to keep it, maybe you want to burn it, just like that.'
one of them gave me 2 phrases & a sentence:
'leave it, let go. remember you are the strong rose in God's eyes, beautiful, pure and strong.'
one of them, just made me go !!!...:
'you where got cute image. life is no smooth sailing. when you are faced with something bad, it depends on how you look at it. takes time to heal but don't take too long.'
be strong
Monday, May 18, 2009
"fight for it if you think it's worth it,
but don't hold on to it if it's time to let go,
life's too short..."
--- qiyu
i am still a person under construction by God
Saturday, May 16, 2009
she said it's amazing and encouraged me to read.
i gave her my word, i will read it.
after reading, i feel it is inspiring.
there are a few things which i can relate to.
i began to ask myself, where do i place God in my daily life?
i've started going to church and attended Sunday School since i was 5 years old.
bible was practically my storybook, not that i ever read past Genesis.
it was until i was 17 years old, i went to attend Novena Church every saturday.
even till today.
(except when i'm scheduled to work afternoon shift.)
i pray to God every morning or everyday before i leave for work.
yet, i can't compare my faith to Samuel.
i may not know him but i see myself relating to certain sentences.
the below are some which i think it's very much for sharing to everyone.
The new destiny
As a christian, I can testify that life doesn’t turn into a bed of roses overnight after conversion. In fact, I still face problems today. I still feel ups and downs. One thing I appreciate and am certain, I see the changes within my own heart.
Little actions of faith makes a big difference to our future life. And with God by my side, guiding me and leading me, I am blessed.
I would not want to imagine myself without God. I would not want to imagine myself living my precious life meaninglessly. My life was redeemed and the price was paid, dearly paid by Christ’s own life on the cross.
Nevertheless, I am still in the progress and process of transforming and learning and changing and improving. I am still a person under construction by God. Any inconveniences caused is deeply regretted.
to the people/person i've hurt, disappointed, upset, angered (if you ever see my blog of this entry - i hereby deeply and sincerely apologised for my words and actions.
it's my stupidity, foolishness, childishness and immaturity.
all of us are at fault, i won't put the blame entirely on others but instead i do take it upon myself too.
it takes 2 hands to clap.
i admit i regretted it.
i could have handled it better and wiser but what was done is done.
it's impossible to undo.
i did try many times to save it but yet i still failed.
since it is gone, is it not meant to be?
if it's meant to be afterall, no matter what or when, it will still meant to be eventually.
i wish i could turn back time to fix it or face it with a bigger heart and bigger picture in mind.
probably today, the result won't be like that.
as i quote from the subject heading; 'i am still a person under construction by God.
any inconveniences caused is deeply regretted.'
rest...
Friday, May 15, 2009
matthew 11:28
he gives me rest.
come to me,
all you who are weary and burdened,
and i will give you rest.
my 2 off days
Thursday, May 14, 2009
finally, i have my off days.
i've been working continuously off my ass since last week.
i wish i need not work.
or i hope not to work anymore.
i'm been looking for a new job since jan this year.
market so bad.
well, i have to be patient, patient and patient.
don't give up.
i'm so tired - mentally and physically since about 2 weeks ago.
sigh.
things happened.
sigh.
i've lost some of my favourite things recently.
so heart pain, so sad, so devastated, so hurt.
i loved them so much.
words can't describe how i feel towards them and my loss.
i can still picture them as where they are originally.
now, no more.
so bad.
sigh.
back to me, myself and i.
sigh.
my few dear friends, you should know i hardly and rarely love anything.
when i love something, means i rrreaaalllyyy love.
what to do...
i made a trip to asian civilisation museum yesterday.
to see the kangxi emperor treasures.
it's good to see the artifacts and can imagine how it was like in ancient times.
today, my mum, sis and i went to the zoo.
my mum haven't been there for the longest time.
we decided to go since both she and i happened to off on the same day plus my sis is having her school holidays.
well, make my mum and sis happy mah.
i'm back to my old self again.
no communications after working hours about work.
no human connections once i reach home.
i reckoned my hp bill for this month will decrease.
although i would be wallowing up in my room, lying on my mattress, feeling small.
watch tv, listen to radio, do my reading.
hope the things and time spent during these 2 off days helps to take my mind off certain matters and lighten my heavy heart.
move on? moved on? moving on?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
have i or had i or am i?
it depends on how it is to me.
a couple of days ago, while my department staff are in the inventory room, one of my staff pointed out to me one of the inventory boy was feeling blue.
i turned to ask him why.
he said when he does his job, there will people who say, when he doesn't does his job, there are still people who say.
a group of them then asked me for 'words of wisdom'.
i told them, life is unfair.
no matter how much you do, it doesn't mean a thing when people changed their thoughts and feelings.
you are and will be so unappreciated.
people tend to find fault when they are not happy.
when they have an opportunity, they make use of the chance to blow up, to express their unhappiness.
life still goes on.
everyone has to move on, moved on, moving on.
has anyone or anything stopped for you?
people can be selfish for themselves.
even on the expenses of other people, even people whom they are closed with before, during and some even after.
the room just go 'wwwaaahhh'.
they asked am i a gurus?
well after living over 3 decades of my life in this world and society, i have learn, learned, learnt and learning.
abstract
Saturday, May 9, 2009
this afternoon at work, i thought of my dear 3eye alien.
remembered she is suffering from sleeping disorder these days.
apparently, she hasn't recover from it yet.
well, hope after your perth trip you will be well.
do take lots of pictures.
my dear friend asked how am i?
i'm feeling down these days.
she already read my previous entries.
thanks my friend for offering to meet me when you are back.
i know you care for me.
all these 8 years, you have never fail to lighten my heavy load of feelings even if it's just a few words of concern.
she told me when we talk about deep thoughts and feelings, both of us are the same.
we tend to be abstract.
i was thinking some people recover fast as soon as they have a change of feelings.
probably, it wasn't as important or memorable as it seems at all.
i gave out a short laugh when i realised it.
enlighten!
why?
the laughter is for me.
yes, i laughed at myself.
looks like i'm still the one dwelling on it.
revolving around on the same spot.
why?
because it's important and it mean alot to me.
some things given to me have meanings.
at one point in my life, they are the best and the only things i treasure alot.
but when it's gone, having or owning them seems meaningless.
is it abstract?
yes... in a way.
because we are all human beings.
**maybe i should go somewhere to recover myself.
change
Friday, May 8, 2009
i realised that people tend to change their feelings and thoughts like a swift.
it happens to me as well but when i'm not the victim, i won't feel that much about it.
well, i've experienced it recently.
it happened to me on an issue which i'm deeply concerned with.
someone told me 'we have to move on.'
i do say that sentence to some people before.
but when i'm being told on that, i guess i'm dumbstuck too.
things haven't been well for me lately.
i don't know why.
i try to make the best out of it but still unsuccessful.
humpty dumpty
Monday, May 4, 2009
humpty dumpty sat on a wall,
humpty dumpty had a great fall.
all the king's horses,
and all the king's men
couldn't put humpty together again!
i'm humpty...
