i was dumbfounded when i opened my mailbox at my void deck.

i recognised the handwriting.

i thought the pot of roses is already more than that.

but this is totally ... left me so overwhelmed when i opened to view the contents.

jess, you have been such a dear, sweet, great friend.

i can never thank you enough.

the book is just what i need to re-read again after this 7 years when i first bought for you.

though this is not the copy i gave you but you are very sweet to pass on the copy your friend gave you to me.

i couldn't read completely what you have wrote inside the book after i flipped the cover.

coz the tears just filled the whole of my eyes as i read along from paragraph to paragraph.

i'm so touched.

it's very nice and thoughtful of you.

inside were words of encouragement from your friend to you and now you have added yours to me.

it's very inspiring and i will treasure it.

thank you so much.

all around me are familliar faces
worn out places
worn out faces

bright and early for their daily races
going nowhere
going nowhere

their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression
no expression

hide my head i want to drown my sorrow
no tomorrow
no tomorrow

and I find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had

i find it hard to tell you coz I find it hard to take
when people run in circles
its a very very
madworld

children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday
happy birthday

and I feel the way that every child should
sit and listen
sit and listen

went to school and i was very nervous
no one knew me
no one knew me

hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right through me
look right through me

and I find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had

i find it hard to tell you
cos i find it hard to take
when people run in circles
it`s a very very
madworld

jeremiah 29:11
for I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.

i am unhappy.

i am sad that i am unhappy.

finally i realised how much happiness means to me when i am happy.

now i can't seem to find that feeling in my heart.

to my dearest friends,

i've choose this moment of my life to leave these words in this will to all of you.
i want to remember what's on my mind now before i forget.

the past few months have been another stage of experience in my life.
things even of little importance can play a part.
when something happens, it triggers something inside me that connects me to a situation or other people - twisted and turned but still connected.
things happened which unravelled about me, myself and i.

the passing of time is ticking.
we see it day by day, night by night goes by but often we don't feel it.
each second makes its mark on every single person's life.
enough time leaves us warm; when our time is gone, it too leaves us cold.
time is more precious than any valuable treasures.
it is time we do not have enough of, and so we must spend it wisely.
time cannot be given.
but it can be shared.

i'm glad my time has been spend with all of you.
it has been a pleasure knowing each of you.
i'm very glad our paths crossed and it has been very worthwhile.

do not be sad when i leave this world.
do not cry for me when i'm gone.
but instead, do celebrate that i am free of all the saddness, unhappiness, depression, hurt and pain.

one man's lesson is another man's tale but often, a man's tale can be another's lesson.
this is my lesson; my tale.
i would hereby like to show my appreciation to my beloved friends.
and will acknowledge all the following special people in my life.
this is solely to concentrate on those who are important to me.

i will return all the gifts that all of you have given me.
do not be angry.
it's not that i find them of no use or purpose that's why i'm returning to you.
i'm... different in such matters.

to me, returning the items to each of you is to hope you will remember how much i was once meant to you.
of course, i would want to own them but with a bigger heart, i hope you will find yourself immerse in thoughts and feel the feelings of recalling the moments when you are buying the gifts, writing the letters/cards, making the handicraft...
doing all those things with me in your mind and heart.

well, i'm no saint... it does backfired.
i did angered people with my "different approach" in this.
i'm sorry.
maybe at certain situations, it shouldn't be applicable.
but this was my intention afterall.
i hope with this explanation, it will clarify certain matters.
yes, this is for you (if you are reading it now).

so, my beloved friends ... this are my most sincere and utmost heartfelt words to you.
**
note: the below in order is not of any preference.
and to those which i didn't mentioned, it's not that you don't mean anything to me.
everyone i've met in my life defines me at different stages.
i'm thankful to each of you.
**

i love you joey.
(i hope you will find time in your busy schedule to remember my existence.)

i love you jess.
(you have given me the most spiritual support when i needed most.)

i love you ginn.
(silence is our best comfort because words can only do so much.)

i love you qiyu.
(your own style of theory never fails to lighten my heavy heart.)

i love you ning.
(you will always be my greatest gift.)

***
if i am buried in a grave, visit me.
if i am dust to dust; ashes to ashes, think of me.
i will be contented.
***

yours sincerely,
me